IFS Informed Therapy: Why You Feel Two Ways at Once

If you have ever found yourself saying, "Part of me wants to make a change, but another part of me is terrified," you have already experienced the foundational truth of parts work. It is entirely normal to feel two, three, or more ways about a single situation. This internal friction is not a sign of a broken mind, nor does it mean you are weak willed. Instead, it reflects the natural, healthy multiplicity of the human psyche.

Through IFS informed therapy, we can begin to understand these conflicting inner voices as distinct parts of your personality, each with its own perspective, history, and protective intentions. At Liminal Bloom Counselling in Ottawa, we use this collaborative, trauma-informed framework to help you move from internal warfare to a state of self-compassion and inner harmony. Whether you join me in person at my Nepean office or through virtual sessions across Ontario, this approach offers a gentle way to heal deep-seated self-criticism.

What is IFS informed therapy and how does it work?

IFS informed therapy is a non-pathologizing approach to psychotherapy that views the human mind as a system of multiple, distinct sub-personalities, often called parts. Developed originally by Richard Schwartz as the Internal Family Systems model, this approach suggests that every part of you has a positive intent, even if its current behavior or strategy is causing you pain or keeping you stuck. Rather than trying to eliminate or ignore the parts of yourself you dislike, we learn to understand them.

In this framework, your inner world is not just a collection of thoughts, but an ecosystem of living, relational parts that interact much like members of a family. Underneath all of these parts is your core Self. The Self is your central, undamaged essence, characterized by calm, curiosity, compassion, and confidence. The goal of our work together is not to cure your parts, but to help your core Self build trusting relationships with them so they can step out of their extreme roles.

Why do we feel so deeply divided when making decisions?

Internal conflict occurs when different parts of your system hold opposing beliefs about what is safe or necessary for your survival. For example, one part of you might desperately want to speak up during a difficult conversation at work to protect your boundaries. At the same exact moment, another part might flood you with anxiety or freeze your voice, believing that speaking up will lead to dangerous conflict or abandonment. Both parts are trying to protect you, but they are using completely different strategies to do so.

When these parts clash, you might experience severe procrastination, brain fog, or intense physical tension. Many people interpret this paralysis as laziness or lack of discipline. From an IFS perspective, however, we see it as an active tie-vote between two highly dedicated protectors. By giving each part a chance to speak without judgment, we can find out what they are afraid will happen if they let the other part take the lead. This shifts your internal state from a frustrating tug-of-war to a constructive dialogue.

Who are the managers, firefighters, and exiles in your system?

To help navigate your inner world, this model categorizes your parts into three primary roles, each serving a specific function within your internal system:

• Managers: These are the proactive protectors that run your daily life. They strive to keep you organized, in control, and safe from pain. They are often your inner critics, perfectionists, people-pleasers, and planners.
• Exiles: These are the sensitive parts of you that have experienced pain, rejection, or trauma, often in childhood. To keep you functioning, your managers lock these wounded parts away in the basement of your psyche, along with their feelings of worthlessness, fear, and loneliness.
• Firefighters: These are the reactive protectors that leap into action when an exile is triggered and their painful feelings threaten to flood your system. Firefighters use impulsive strategies to quickly numb, distract, or extinguish the pain, which can manifest as binge eating, substance use, sudden rage, dissociation, or compulsive scrolling.

It is common to feel frustrated by your firefighter behaviors or exhausted by your demanding manager parts. However, in our therapy sessions, we treat these behaviors not as problems to be eradicated, but as survival strategies that were likely necessary at some point in your life. When we acknowledge their hard work, they often begin to soften and allow us to reach the vulnerable exiles who need healing.

How does parts work help heal chronic self-criticism?

Self-criticism is usually the voice of a highly active manager part that believes criticizing you first will prevent you from being criticized or rejected by others. It thinks that by pointing out your flaws with harsh, relentless language, it can motivate you to perform better or stay invisible, thereby keeping you safe from pain. Because its methods are painful, you might naturally want to push this inner critic away or fight back against it.

In therapy, instead of fighting the critic, we get curious about it. We might ask: "What is this critical part trying to prevent from happening to you?" When we approach the critic from a place of genuine curiosity rather than frustration, it often reveals its underlying fear, which is usually that a more vulnerable, exiled part of you will get hurt. Once the critic realizes that your core Self is present and capable of handling life, it can gradually learn to step back and adopt a gentler, more supportive role.

What can you expect during an IFS-informed therapy session?

During our virtual or Ottawa-based sessions, we will slow down the pace of your thoughts to pay attention to what is happening inside your body and mind in real time. We start by identifying a specific feeling, thought, or physical sensation that feels prominent or troublesome. We then ask how you feel toward that part of yourself. If you feel anger, fear, or a desire to get rid of it, we gently ask those reacting parts to step back for a moment so we can meet the target part with curiosity.

As we establish this compassionate connection, we listen to the part's story, learning when it first took on its role and what it is trying to protect you from. This gentle, mindful exploration helps to unblend your core Self from your reactive parts. Many clients find that this process brings a profound sense of relief, clarity, and physical ease, as they no longer have to fight their own minds to find peace. This depth-oriented work is fully compatible with other modalities I offer, such as somatic therapy and EMDR, allowing for a highly personalized approach to your healing journey.